It’s a long one!
As 2017 draws to a close and I look towards a new year and new beginnings, I feel the urge to write again.
With my notice handed in at work, and the world being my oyster in 2018, I have found myself reflecting a lot about me – what it is I like, what I want, what I won’t stand for, what I have learned, and how far I come.
This year has been a year of challenges, but also a year of true growth.
I started 2017 with the idea of it being the ‘year of slay’ – my goals had been written out, I was manifesting the positive vibes and I was, indeed, slaying life. I truly believed my changed mind-set and focus was making me a better person, and I was ready to take on anything thrown at me.
I started 2017 with a new job as a Digital Marketing Officer for a dance organisation. How perfect for me – I am a dancer with a marketing degree and knowledge and experience in this field. #winning.
I started 2017 with a busy and fulfilling dance class – a constant stream of new students and the loyalties of those who had come before. I was growing as a teacher and a choreographer, and I was on a dance mission!
I started 2017 turning 24, my favourite number, and celebrated this birthday feeling the LOVE from my family in the simplest ways. Phone calls from my mum and sister, and an afternoon with my brother dancing around his flat having the BEST time.
I felt the love from my friends who came together to get me a GoPro (organised by May bear) and baked me many cakes (were y’all trying to fatten me up?!) and showered me with all of the good vibes.
A birthday rap was recorded for me by Lewis, birthday voicemails were sang by Ben. I want to name every single person that made me feel so special on this day but there are too many of you and you know who you are!!
(This was, without a doubt, the highlight of my year).
April saw me take part in the Kinjaz workshop organised by Body Politic and I was on a mission – GET PICKED OUT! And it happened.
I, Liz Kamille, was selected by Pat Cruz on the second day of the workshop weekend, and what an amazing feeling it was! I had some great feedback from all three teachers that day, and I still get a buzz just thinking about it!
I had struggled the day before and brought myself down, knowing that I could have done better and pushed harder. So on Sunday, I brushed it off, changed my mind-set and it really paid off.
May saw me choreograph and direct a dance video requested by an African artist and his management (my Godmother), which would have been included in his music video, and this project was also a beautiful collaboration between friends. It’s sad to me that we’re unable to release this video until the song is released, but a proud moment nonetheless.
June saw me go to Glastonbury for the first time and it – was – INCREDIBLE!
Being with those people with no dramas and just GOOD TIMES is what life should be about! New friendships were made and existing ones were strengthened, and I’m so grateful that I got to bask in the epicness of this festival.
July saw me participate in my first official music video (Astroid Boys – Dirt) and although a very small role, a music video regardless! We had fun on set and it was a blast!
I also experienced Barcelona for the first time in this month as my sister has now relocated to sunny sunny Spain. I met some amazing, free-spirited people during that weekend, and this was another learning experience for me in terms of where it is I want to be mentally. I want to feel free.
In August, two friends got married, and what a beautiful weekend of weddings it was ❤ I just LOVE love.
So many good things happened to me this year, especially in the first six months, and writing these out has really put things into perspective that this year wasn’t really bad at all.
HOWEVER…
Through these ups, let me not forget the lows. I won’t add family situations because they are not my stories to tell but still…
Despite the slay month of March, I got catfished (damn you Tinder). Red flags galore, but I wanted to believe that I could be liked again (after all the bullshit and hurt from the year before). It might sound pathetic but BOO YOU, this is how I felt.
I don’t understand the point in pretending to be something you’re not. I just can’t fathom why anyone would waste their time, yet alone the time of the person they’re speaking to. Urgh! I could go on, but let me move on…
I saw the true colours of a hell lot of people and fake friendships came to light. I feel I now understand the ones who truly care about me as a person, as a friend, as a human being – my thoughts and feelings, my opinions and so on.
This year has taught me to be grateful for the true friends and true soulmates, and has allowed me to understand the kind of people I don’t want to surround myself with.
The dance studio I taught at got closed and it was SUCH a shame because it was spacious, it was convenient and it was a fabulous price! The new venue I found was so expensive that I lost out on so much money trying to hold this class together, especially with the decrease in the number of dancers attending.
I got hurt by someone who still doesn’t seem to understand that what he did was a fuckboy move.
You can’t just pick someone up when it’s convenient and you’re wanting validation, especially when you knew for a year that this person liked you. You don’t initiate certain conversations and more and then tell them you’re not ready. If you weren’t ready mister, you should have backed off. You don’t do that to someone you’ve been friends with for so long – there should have been some respect. #justsaying #rantover
I have felt so lost at times this year, especially from September to November. My mental health and wellbeing was at an all-time low and I couldn’t get out of the funk.
I was feeling unvalued at work, unappreciated at dance, gross in my appearance, unhappy in myself. I felt like I was just drowning in negativity and I couldn’t come up for air.
I feel better now though – I feel more positive.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with the knowledge that if something isn’t helping my mental, physical and emotional wellbeing and I’m not happy, I can change it.
We seem to be so afraid of change and so afraid of the unknown, but I do feel (although sometimes I forget), that if, deep down, I can believe that I will be okay and that I’ve got this, I will be fine.
I believe that writing is like therapy and I have rambled a lot here but these are my thoughts and feelings.
It’s safe to say I’m excited to see what 2018 will bring!
Liz Kamille 