A few weeks ago, I started listening to a podcast called “The Guilty Feminist” and I can’t stop going on about it.
There seems to be a taboo of saying “I’m a feminist”, and I never really thought I identified as such (despite my gender equality tattoo); but as I listen on, I know that I completely and utterly am (with the ‘guilty’ part, because I am HUMAN).
I’ve just written something to my mum that I really felt the need to share (a few parts have been edited because they made no sense):
“I feel that what I need to do is to assert myself more in life. I thought I always did it, but I realise it’s not to the degree I believed, as there is always that element of how women should behave in this patriarchal society we live in, and I am over it!
Listening to the podcast kind of gives ideas as to how to take up “space” and be heard, and in a way, “act like men” (as annoying as that sounds) to be able to demand the respect we deserve, and to get the things we want out of every day life.
It’s already Fucking* hard being a woman.
Then you’re a black woman.
Living in a culture that doesn’t really respect you.
In an age where social media dominates our views on success and where we should be, and what we should look like, and how we should behave.
Where some of your peers have houses and savings and stability.
While others are having freedom and fun and adventure.
And you’re sitting there, trying to stay afloat.
Going through the motions of life.
While still trying to have a life, and hobbies, and fun, and money, and take breaks, and achieve your goals, and not burn out, and look after your mental health.
How on EARTH do we get through it?”
I am aware that from my privileged stance (where I have shelter and food and luxuries etc), this seems so ridiculous to complain, but I will not apologise for complaining because right now, these are MY grievances.
Mind you, these aren’t all my grievances, as I do not have the time to delve deep into racism, and “humanity”, and people who just fucking suck, and parts of our society that fucking suck.
At this present moment, I am tired. And I am angry. And I am over it.
I am over feeling like I do not truly “belong” anywhere.
I am over feeling like I’m having to work twenty times as hard for things that straight white men will get in a heartbeat.
I am over feeling like “oooo maybe I shouldn’t write down my feelings and express myself so publicly because of what people would think/say.”
Honestly, if you’re reading this and ready to argue, please fuck your argument and get off my site.
I am tired.
*I didn’t swear in the message I sent her…